choose your hard
Today, I came across the phrase choose your hard, and I loved the implication that sometimes, hard is not always a set of external pressures that happen to us (i.e. "I'm going through a hard time.") Sometimes, it's a choice, one that, often subconsciously, we decide.
I discovered there's a hard of being aimless, bored, and terrified without direction. This is the hard of watching the days humiliatingly blur together, of feeling my potential fossilize under the weight of my own distraction, inaction, and perfectionism. Life is hard, I would say, I can't do better than this, though deep down, I know I can. Why else would I feel resentful towards growth I never pursued?
Then there is the other hard, which, in my opinion, is even more uncomfortable: It requires to do the work I'm avoiding, because it's too hard to start. It challenges instead of numbs, stretches instead of keeping you scared and small. It will demand sheer willpower, focus, and great work to chase the dream that I want but avoid. This is the hard that confronts that I might not be exceptional - maybe even ordinary - but I'm the one responsible for making something of myself.
I always carried the supposition that the end goal was eliminating hard altogether, to somehow reach a life where everything flows with an unprecedented ease. Someday, I'll never struggle again. But if hard is inevitable, then perhaps the only power we have is choosing which version of hard we're willing to live with. If I must struggle, I would rather struggle towards something.