december so far
It's December. I am nearing the end of my first semester of my final year in university. I feel like I am trying to make the most of every day - a practice that has been doing wonders to my mental health. Sometimes I am too caught up in my own head, that I forget to fully soak in the present.
Working on my capstone project in the labs until 8 pm, having lunch with my friends, doodling during class, siting by the beach - these have been my small but certain happiness as of December. I remember when my counsellor used to chide me for how much I ostracize myself from the people around me. I didn't realize how much I needed community until I finally opened myself to the people around me. I think that has been the biggest lesson of 2024.
I finished my midterms just last week, and despite the current time crunch to submit the first part of my capstone, I feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. Engineering subjects are notorious for their sophistication, and this year's subjects are no different.
I suffered from a terrible reading slump the last few weeks - mostly due to how preoccupied I was with exams. But recently I picked up this essay, and this excerpt part in particular made me ponder for a long time:
I remember journaling about feeling trapped, stuck in a cage. But how much of this cage can I obliterate if i can just get out of my head for once? I will be honest with you - I had a disposition for limiting my perspective when it came to my problems. I did not realize this until someone pointed it out: how I focused too much on the problem and not the solution. Sometimes I forget I have choices, that I can step out of this cage if I decided so myself.
I have also been drawing a lot. Be it in between classes, on my way to university, whenever my project starts to burn me out. I have been challenging myself to squeeze in a short drawing session every chance I get, and it has been absolutely life-altering to balance studying and personal hobbies.
I have several plans lining up in the next few weeks. I am going to the beach with my friends, hunting for art supplies, submitting the first part of my project, seeing my psychiatrist, and I plan to take a few art classes. I can't believe I have made it to December.