fear (of losing everything) is one hell of a motivator
I write this thinking of everyone who had to build themselves from scratch in a foreign country, who had to put their pride aside and took the low-wage job to make ends meet, who only have themselves for a safety net. In such position, I think most of us carry the same rooted fear, and it isn't "What if I fail?" It's closer to, "What if I lose everything I've built and end up back in the exact place I spent my whole life running from?"
It's strange, how I feel I have to work twice as hard as the average person, because I wholly believe it keeps this fear one step behind me. Sometimes, I picture my periphery walking at a normal pace, while I run myself breathless just to feel on par with them. I'm not trying to slip into a victim mentality, whining about how much easier other people have it. But the world wasn't built evenly, and other people do have it easier.
Maybe I have to work twice as hard as people around me to feel like I'm on their level. Maybe someone else has to work five times harder than me to feel like they're on mine. It feels unfair, but maybe unfairness is the only fair thing about it. It finds a way to touch everyone unequally and to varying degrees.
Fear is one potent fuel, and damn how effective it is. It's hard to defeat the fear of losing everything, and I don't believe it dissipates even when you've earned enough, arrived enough, or proven enough. Some days it propels me forward towards a grander future; other days it persistently lingers, reminding me of everything I'm still working against.