on balancing academics & writing
I am currently writing this in class, in my Advanced Separation Processes course of my final academic year. My professor is deriving some sophisticated equation he claims we'll have to use in the final.
I haven't posted on Bear since September - basically, since university started. I thought that I finally tackled the habit of consistent writing down, but a day without writing turned into a week, a week into a month, and now it is almost December.
I am notorious for my inability to seamlessly balance academics with hobbies and passion projects. When another semester starts, I let it bleed through my entire life. Hobbies, personal projects sleep, eating habits? I never managed to find that sweet spot for balancing both academics and everything else.
This is largely due to the way I grew up: an academic overachiever. Academic performance - I have been conditioned - is above everything. 4.0 GPA, A+, 100's: but do these even matter anymore when my only source of bliss becomes academic validation and praise? I won't lie - it feels good to an extent to reap the fruits of my labor, but I do so exhausted and burned out.
I am realizing this late (in my last year!), but better late than never. Right? At least for me. I realized how unhappy I am when I abandon the things that make me feel alive because of my lack of healthy study-life balance.
I felt quite ashamed of how I uncharacteristically abandoned writing for this external validation. At some point, I even sought shutting down this blog forever, but, considering my disposition for the extremes, I opposed the idea. I realized that I should take the challenge: how do I integrate studying into my life without letting it completely consume me?
I think this is a reasonable goal for now, and I will try not to be excessively harsh on myself if I miss a few days of posting. Academics is important, but it is not everything. There is a whole life out there waiting for me!