weekly notes (sept 9-15)
I haven't written in almost a week, and while there's an unabating guilt, my break wasn't intentional. I have been on vacation. Lately, I have been attempting to find a balance between creatively pushing myself and merely enjoying leisure when I don't feel like writing. It is a balance that veritably all creatives eventually experience - If I am really passionate about a hobby, shouldn't I intentionally always allocate a time for it?
This week's highlight was quality time with friends: building authentic connections with new people (a challenge for an introvert like me) and reminiscing with old ones I haven't seen for years. Coffee dates, sushi nights, arcades, and late-night drives - it's been lovely connecting with like-minded individuals. I never realized how much I have been guarding myself from people until now. My therapist has incessantly accentuated that my lack of community was a huge contributor to my depression. I am convinced now.
I also indulged in a visit to the city's largest bookstore, where I was drawn to Osamu Dazai's No Longer Human. Ostensibly, reviews depict it as dark, melancholic, but the synopsis, which outline the main character's struggles with alienation, self-destructive behavior, and the inability to connect with others has deeply resonated with my current struggles. Maybe I should reach for a lighter read, but strangely, these doleful narratives have been offering me some kind of solace.
I am in absolute awe that my previous post has resonated with many on Bear, and I was even more touched it got a few responses, too. I perspicuously recall drafting this post, anxiously debating about posting it. It felt too vulnerable, but now I am glad I did so.
I travel Wednesday morning. My bags are mostly packed in my childhood room. There are a few things still lying around in my family home - some notebooks and pens, clothes, toiletries. I finish packing tomorrow.