you are not an optimization problem
I recently came across a post that read your life is not an optimization problem. The notion lingered with me for a while.
For the longest time, I was preoccupied with perfecting every aspect of my life. I consumed endless content of ideal morning routines, all meticulously crafted to maximize productivity. I indulged in more self-help books than I could count, in an attempt to create an ideal schedule, one where I never wasted a single second of my day. With this routine, I thought, I would be efficient, productive, and I would somehow eliminate making any kind of mistakes.
My drive for perfectionism didn't stop here. It extended to my appearance, the way I presented myself, and even my mental health. This is something I only realized recently. I realized I wasn't just trying to manage my depression - no, I was aiming for perfect mental health, one where I never experienced a low mood again.
Yet again, my life is not an optimization problem, neither is yours. Yes, we can always aim for continual improvement, but we will never be completely perfect at handling life. This is to comfort you, that the world is far too large and complex to be perfect - be it a routine, personality, or our way of handling challenges.
We need to constantly remind ourselves of our humanness. Even with years of growth, therapy, and healing, we are still prone to experiencing lows, challenges, and bad days. I believe this is what the human experience is all about.
Some days, I won't always be functioning at my best. A task that should've taken me five minutes might take five hours, and that's okay. There will be times when I think my mental health is at its peak, only for a depressive episode to hit unexpectedly. I might spend half a day in bed. I might become abruptly overwhelmed with my adult responsibilities. I might overreact to a minor inconvenience. I might forget to meet a deadline. I might miss an important appointment.
I will make mistakes. And you know what? That's okay. We will be okay.